Friday 18th Feb 2011

It was a Friday not like any other, simply because I had something to do.  Got up, went to work, but that’s not important.  Went to Tesco, blah blah blah, you’ve heard that all before.  Oh you haven’t heard about Tesco?  That’s a story in itself, but that’s not important right now.  Went home, put my clean black ‘Slayer’ T-shirt on, ahh yeah now we’re talking.  You can see where this story is going, it’s going to get seriously metal.  More metal than you can handle.  If you’re of a nervous disposition or just a bit flouncy then look away now…

So, climbed aboard the 16:57 crazy train to London Waterloo, arrived at Waterloo around 6pm, I don’t need to be exact.  Hot footed it down to the underground and climbed aboard the crazy train to Camden Town.  Oh yeah, you can already smell the joss sticks, or at least I could as I spent about 30 mins standing next to one in the Camden Eye pub.  I was waiting for two fairly Metallic acquaintances to arrive.  At precisely 6:30pm they did not arrive, however at around 6:41pm they duely arrived, bounding into the public house with their metal horns ablazing.  To preserve their innocence we shall call them Chris and Nick or C and N for short. 

After 2 pints in here we moved to the Worlds End pub for pint number 3.  After swiftly disposing of pint number 3 we moved downstairs to the ‘UnderWorld’.  I was expecting a lung full of sweat as we walked in but lo and behold it didn’t smell too bad.  It didn’t smell of roses but it didn’t smell of sweat, looks like those new air conditioning units are already paying dividends. 

It was time to crank up the metal, pint number 4 was bought and we headed as close as was acceptable for three impossibly attractive blokes in their early 30’s get could to the stage without fending off rabid teenagers potentially in the throes of puberty who were intent on starting their own ‘Circle of Death’.  Sadly nothing to do with Elton John.

The band were called ‘Feed the Rhino’ and they weren’t half bad, all synchronised headbanging in an oldskool Maidenesque way, but with more up to date riffing and screaming.  After they finished we retreated to the bar for pint number 5 and a brief look at the merch, nothing doing there.

So to the main band…Devil Sold His Soul.  It was a good set by them, better than the last couple of times I’ve seen them.  There’s no denying the old hits are better than the new songs.  There’s also no denying it’s pretty depressing music, but at the same time has a slightly uplifting feel to it.  They take you down to the bottom, make you feel a tad cheesed off then bring you back up and let you leave on a high.  Not before finishing pint number 6 by the way.

So we left the Underground, back upstairs overground, wombling free.  It seemed stupid to go now, it was early but I can’t remember the time.  So pint number 7 was consumed, it was at this point we may have spoken to some strangers, can’t remember who they were, don’t really care.  Pint 7 was finished so C and N decided to head off into the night on their merry way home.  I decided to stay in the pub for a small amount of time on my own, don’t know why. 

It was at this point the evening took a more sinister turn.  I cannot remember getting the train back to Waterloo, but I obviously did.  I can only speculate as to what happened next but, what potentially happened next shaped the rest of my evening.  Usually at this juncture of the evening I would buy a Taw Valley Cheese and Ham baguette and a bottle of Coke for 2 reasons.  Reason 1 is that the eating of the baguette gives me something to do and, Reason 2 the Coke keeps me awake.  However I can only assume I was faced with a crucial decision, buy a Taw Vally Cheese and Cheddar baguette and a bottle of Coke or get the next train which is leaving any second.  I can only assume I opted for the train and ignored the Taw valley cheese and ham baguette and a bottle of coke.  So you can see what was going to happen, and so should I.  I was Taw Valley Cheeseless with a one way ticket to snoozeville.

I woke up…Where the hell was I?  This wasn’t Basingstoke…Bollocks.  I was in trouble, I’ve done this time and time before, waking up in all sorts of South Coast resorts, Southampton, Eastleigh and Winchester.  However nothing prepared me for the sign as I got off the train…’Welcome to Bournemouth’.  “Aahhh S**t!”, was my fairly restrained reply.  Although to be honest, I was down, dejected and pretty fed up, I couldn’t even muster the effort to swear properly.  All trains back towards London had finished for the night.

So to the taxi rank.  I approached the first taxi in the que.  To be honest the driver looked like he had crossed eyes, I’m not sure if they were originally crossed or just crossed once he found out where I wanted to go.  “Hi, can you go to Basingstoke please?”.  “Ha Ha!” Was his reply, similar to Nelson from the Simpsons.  He wound his window up and screeched off into the distance…I guessed he didn’t want to go to Basingstoke.

I was flummoxed, now how do I get home?  It was 2am now and options weren’t at a premium.  Aha!  Get a coach you say?  Of course.  There was a coach going to London at 3am!  So I stood in the pissing rain outside Bournemouth train station for 1 hour until the coach turned up.  I had £25 on me and couldn’t find a cash machine, luckily the fare was £23, finally I’d caught a break…

Got the ipod out and rocked out whilst on the coach, thank god for my ipod, I would’ve gone insane without it.  We arrived at London Victoria at 5:30am and finally it felt like I was on the way home.  Ony an hour to wait until the 6:32am to Portsmouth departed.  Obviously if I had fallen asleep again on this train I would’ve been severely pissed off, but I didn’t.  Got off at Clapham and after buying a bottle of Ribena and a newspaper (no need for an Upper Crust Taw Valley Cheese & Ham baguette and a bottle of Coke now, didn’t want to rub salt in my tired wounds) I was back on the next train home.

Finally I arrived back in Basingstoke at around 8am, jumped in a taxi.  Told the taxi driver this very story, he laughed and hopefully so did you, I didn’t.

At 8:30am on Saturday 19th Feb 2011 I climbed into bed and drifted off to sleep…..the phone rang and woke me up, “leave me alooooooone!” I shouted, at my empty bedroom in my empty flat…..I drifted back off to sleep.  1 hour later, the phone rang again “Nooooooooooo!” I shouted, at my empty bedroom in my empty flat…..I drifted off back to sleep…1 hour later the phone rang again…You get the idea.